His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
