just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
