Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
