Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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