I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
