i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
