Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
