you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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