she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
