is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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