There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
fuck your aforementioned shoe
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Be still, my beating vagina.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize