Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
