there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
They have beer where we have blood.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize