if i can run in heels then i can drive
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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