FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
