This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
