I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
