it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
