I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
