Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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