i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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