did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
