oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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