break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize