we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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