Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
