there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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