dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize