dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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