He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
