hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
