respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
