new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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