Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You ruined the universe
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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