he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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