Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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