why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
