when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
