when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
