she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
