Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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