Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
