The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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