He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize