you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
