I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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