I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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