Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize