I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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