They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
