She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
But break dance skills will only take you so far
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You left your phone here
Wait...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
