you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize