I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I understand Curling. That high.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
