Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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