Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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