you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
