the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
