I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I think a kid would responsible me up
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
