i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
