it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
