Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
