uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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