Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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