mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
