i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
