Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
