1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
