That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
