Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
