you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Randomize
