I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
